Singapore – Would you like coffee or tea?

Breakfast was included at my hotel.  It was a buffet style meal with–and I’m guesstimating here–probably over 100 different dishes.  Included in the breakfast were items from a myriad of cuisines:  hash browns, french toast, panckakes and omelets: sushi and ramen soup; dim sum; tropical fruits; croissants; naan and curry; and many other items.  Not surprising, given that Singapore is an amalgamation of many different cultures.

Each morning when I sat down, a waiter would come to me and ask whether I wanted coffee or tea.  The first day, I declined both.  Several minutes later, another waitress came to me seeing my empty mug and asked whether I wanted coffee or tea.  I told her I didn’t feel like having it.  A third waiter came to me a bit further on, asking again if I wanted coffee or tea.  I finally relented and asked for tea.  That said, I’m not really a coffee or tea drinker, and the cup went untasted and untouched.

Later that morning, I went into work — I was spending a week or so doing project work during my time in Singapore.  That day, which was my first day, I got a tour of the office, including the “most important room,” the break room.  “Would you like coffee or tea” my host asked?  “No thank you” I politely replied.  “Really, no coffee or tea?  Oh, I guess you want to get it at the end of our office tour.”  I again declined.

That same day, after lunch, I was invited by the people I was eating with to the breakroom for a post lunch cup of coffee or tea. This was getting a bit ridiculous for me!  I relented, and accepted the offer to have some tea.

Talk about a culture clash!  I wanted the option to choose, or not to choose, to have coffee or tea.  Those who I interacted with that day were just offering something that is ubiquitously done across Singapore – drinking coffee and tea.  My action of declining coffee and tea was so outside the norm for them that they almost refused to acknowledge it, offering it until Iwould accept.

When people behave differently then you expect them to, it is sometimes hard to accept.  You may think that you are the cause, or that you are misunderstanding the intent of the other person.  You may be confused, or become insistant that they fall into your way of thinking.  But an equaly  likely scenario is that they are acting differently because they are diffferent from you.  In a situation like this, the sooner people recognize the premise of different people having different perspectives as a mechanism to driving different actions and behaviors, the sooner a lot of misunderstandings will be cleared up.  Ultimately, recognizing that people have different perspectives, seeking understanding of their viewpoints, and being willing to compromise on your own viewpoint, can go a long way to clearing up cross cultural misunderstandings.

Finally, this lline of thinking becomes more interesting and more widely applicable when you loosely define culture as a belief system which partially drives a person’s beahviours and actions.  Americans vs Singaporeans is certainly an example of two differen cultures … but outside of geography, religion, gender, age, income level, and countless other demographics can drive cultural differences.  And these cultural differences ultimately can be considered, evaluated, and reacted to using the same framwork.

Lessons Learned
–People have different perspectives driving different actions and behaviors
–Ultimately, recognizing that people have different perspectives, seeking understanding of their viewpoints, and being willing to compromise on your own viewpoint, can go a long way to clearing up cross cultural misunderstandings
— Finally, this line of thinking becomes more interesting and more widely applicable when you loosely define culture as a belief system which partially drives a person’s beahviours and actions… for instance, age, income level, religion, gender, etc

Have you ever had a culture clash of your own?  What did you learn?  More importantly, do you prefer coffee or tea?